why not hire a nanny/clown to look after the kids and go dogging in asda carpark tonight.
you know you love it, you slags.
if only they hadn’t been ridiculed as children, they would be fine upstanding citizens today.
the moral of the story is BE NICE TO KIDS. If not, you may just end up turning them into a potential mass murderer.
looking at that picture, myra wouldnt look out of place in the rescue rooms on a saturday night. is it a deliberate attempt from the haircuts in the bar to look like myra? is she some sort of fashion icon up there with bettie page and the synthpop girls from the mighty boosh?
Dilated Peoples – Back Again – Easily the best thing out this week, the album is fantastic, and this is the first single to be lifted off 20:20.
Goldfrapp – Ride a White Horse – not their best, but its still a damn sight better than most of the dirge out this week.
Regina Spektor – Us – from a hit and miss album, this song is just lovely.
Theres also Liz Kitten’s Effort, but thats not really worth mentioning
Next week is a pretty slow week for music too. Theres Corinne Bailey Rae, Delays, and OK Go. oh, and “It’s Chico time”… the end of the world is nigh 🙁
I can’t claim responsibility for this, I’m afraid, but it looks like someone hates that cunt Doherty as much as me and worked the Godlike genius of Jimmy and Bill into their little fantasy:
FURY AS DOHERTY TRUTH REVEALED
The Samaritans have today recruited 600 extra staff to deal with an expected surge in calls as troubled fans come to terms with today’s revelations about rocker and teen icon Pete Doherty. In a surprise press conference today, the men behind Doherty’s career reveled themselves – and admitted that the Libertines, Babyshambles, the tales of drug use, the armed robberies and the affair with supermodel Kate Moss have all been part of one of the largest hoaxes in British history.
The men behind the scandal – Bill Drummond and Jimmy Cauty, who were themselves infamous popstars under the name The KLF – admitted how they plucked a young Buddy Holly impersonator Doherty from obscurity and made him a media darling. “It was a meant to be a quick stunt to show the frailties of our celbrity-obsessed culture,” said Cauty, adding, “there are too many people who are famous despite their lack of talent, usefulness and basic intelligence. We wanted to do something that held a mirror up to that.” Mr Drummond called Britain’s pop-culture “sick” and said that although he regretted the hurt caused to Doherty’s many fans, he hoped “this incident taught us all some important things”.
In a prepared statement, the two men – famous for many other pop pranks, including the famous burning of GBP1million on a remote Scottish island – detailed how they manipulated the British Press into making Doherty an icon. Doherty – whose real name has now been revealed to be Trevor McDermott – was making a living as a part-time Buddy Holly impersonator in the Cornwall holiday circuit. He began a short-lived affair with the singer of a well known 80’s rock band, and was introduced to Drummond and Cauty at a backstage party in London’s West End. The men described how a drunken McDermott amused them with his slurred singing and frenetic dance movements, and how they then realised that this would be the perfect “dupe” for a plan they had been hatching for some time.
“The plan involved proving three theories we have about current British society,” reads the statement. “The first is that in the so-called “alternative” scene, everybody is too scared of missing The Next Big Thing to worry about anything else.” To prove this, some session musicians were provided to compose the rest of the “band”, The Libertines, and rumours of exposive gigs were leaked to the media. “The gigs in question never actually took place, but we didn’t have to worry about that. Soon the buzz around The Libertines was so frenetic, journalists were falling over themselves to claim to have been at the front of every single fictional gig.” Within weeks, The Libertines were appearing on magazines and receiving record offers. Gigs sold out in minutes, while their first album “Up The Bracket” flew off shelves.
Feeling that their first point had been proved, Drummond and Cauty moved to their second theory: “We feel that our culture has become an enormous soap opera. We don’t care what a person thinks, or creates, or contributes. We just care about what they do in their normal lives. Especially when it’s something they shouldn’t be doing.”
To demonstrate this, the men co-ordinated a number of scandals. First was a robbery staged in the house of one of the band members. When this took place, McDermott (aka Doherty) was unknown outside of the alternative music scene. An incident of this calibre was sufficient, however, to catapult McDermott onto the front page of every major national tabloid. “One day we has just another singer, the next day he was ‘Disgraced Celebrity Rocker‘, and he hasn’t been out of the papers since”. Further revelations about drug abuse and violence kept McDermott and The Libertines on the front pages for months.
One thing that took even Drummond and Cauty by surprise was the affair with model Kate Moss. “That was not something that we planned or had any involvement. Whether she knew about the hoax is something we are not party to. We have never had any contact with Miss Moss.” However, this was the boost their project needed – where the drugs and crime had made McDermott a media sensation, the relationship with one of fashion’s most famous women catapulted him into the world of true celebrity. “While we had not planned this, it certainly proved our point. There are many superior artists in the country today, but they never appear in Heat or The Sun, because they don’t have the words ‘boyfriend of Kate Moss‘ after their name.”
Despite this boost, the project began running into a major setback for Drummond and Cauty. Just as they were preparing to enter the final phase of their scheme, Doherty decided that he wanted to part company with them, the fake band, and begin seriously recording music. He stopped all contact with the men, and threatened legal actions if any details were leaked to the press. “We were upset at the apparent failure of our grand project, and also at the monster we had created in Pete Doherty. Our third theorem – that ‘If enough people say that a piece of s*** is a bar of gold, we’ll believe it’s a bar of gold’ – seemed to have been beyond salvation. Fortunately, at that point Pete released the first Babyshambles album.”
In the time since then, Drummond and Cauty have been locked in a vicious legal battle, which was eventually settled out of court by the discovery of a videotape showing McDermott singing “Peggy Sue” at a Butlin’s in Devon. Publicly, McDermott still strongly denies all charges. How this affects the future career of Pete Doherty remains to be seen.
And while I’m on the subject of using other people’s material and worshipping the JAMMs, check out the Trancecracker page here: http://www.ishkur.com/articles/trancecracker.php
Remember, Bill and Jimmy left the music industry for our sins!
Now, I’ve got a great collection of early Hawkwind demos that needs my attention. Peace out, kids…
Seen any more interesting Doherty-hate out there on the GlobalInterWebNet? Email firstname.lastname@example.org and share.
Simon and Miquita are going to leave the show this april. I dont know about anybody else, but I think this signals the end of the show. They started out shakily, but over the last five years have made it their own, and possibly the greatest ever music tv show to grace our TV screens. The show interviewed some popstars with the contempt they deserve… segments like “lemar from afar” were complete genius. what other tv show would dare to “interview” one of the most boring popstars of our time via loudhailer from the other side of a carpark? you just dont get that sort of quality on TOTP. and that is why it failed. TOTP pandered to record companies demands, fawning over the latest crap celebs with a shitty single to peddle, whereas popworld had the balls to show them for what they are. A lot of popstars just didnt “get it”… and were subsequently shown up for what they truly are. witness gwen stefani and her “muses”… wtf was that all about? she just came across as vacuous and so out of touch with reality, that she ended up looking like the retarded troll she is.
anyway, popworld will lose its greatest assets in april. i hope it recovers, but personally, i dont think it can 🙁
my milkman has AIDS – february 11th 2006
freq nasty – brooklyn to brixton
evil nine/adam freeland – heel and toe
antipop consortium – vector
apollo 440 – heart go boom
dilated peoples – back again
flaming lips – yeah yeah yeah song
gerling – whos ya daddy
dub pistols – problem is
KLF – 3am eternal (live at the ssl)
betty boo – doin the do
sugababes – red dress (amelle version)
girls aloud – love machine
sugarhill gang – apache
spencer davis group – im a man
kenny rogers – just dropped in
dodgy – the snake
braund reynolds – rocket
girl talk – unstoppable
kelis – millionaire
basement jaxx – oh my gosh
gorillaz – feel good inc
groove armada – if everybody looked the same
lady sovereign – hoodie (bjaxx radio mix)
beyonce – check on it
dilated peoples ft kanye – this way
natasha bedingfield – these words
the faders – no sleep tonight
dimestars – solo so long
thunderbugs – friends forever
cathy dennis – west end pad
the dum dums – everything
son of dork – boyband
soulwax – NY Lipps
black eyed peas – lets get retarded
house of pain – jump around
kriss kross – jump
rebel mc – street tuff
de la soul – me myself and i
snoop dogg – who am i
nwa – straight outta compton
wu tang clan – baby i like it raw
jurassic 5 – concrete schoolyard
wyclef – perfect gentleman
sir mixalot – baby got back
missy elliott – get ur freak on
krs one – sound of da police
beastie boys – sabotage
kanye west – gold digger
soulwax/skeelo/breeders/etc – i wish
britney/prodigy/empirion – toxic narcotic (e-jitz mix)
prodigy – voodoo people (pendulum mix)
NERD – lapdance (trent reznor mix)
black eyed peas – my humps
dolly parton – 9 to 5
duran duran – white lines
run DMC / aerosmith – walk this way
hanson – mmmbop!
len – kids in america
lindsay lohan – i want you to want me
britney – i love rock n roll
shatner – common people
avril – sk8er boi
spice girls – stop
kelly clarkson – since uve een gone
shakira – whenever wherever
sugababes – push the button
girls aloud – biology
s club 7 – brin it on back
take that – never forget
bryan adams – summer of 59
bon jon jove – living on a prayer
queen – dont stop me now
busted – year 3000
mcfly – obviously
mc hammer – u cant touch this
vanilla ice – ice ice baby (oops. wrong version. sorry!)
black box – ride on time
s express – theme from s express
beats international – dub be good to me
5ive – keep on movin
b-52s – love shack
ELO – mr blue sky
wonderstuff – size of a cow
s club 7 – reach
shampoo – trouble
presidents of the usa – lump
terrorvision – tequila (mint royale shot mix)
lemonheads – mrs robinson
herb alpert and tijuana brass – spanish flea
alan hawkshaw – grange hill theme
thanks al 🙂
remember, its THIS saturday!
here is the sugababes first live performance with emmamelle. curiously they sing “push the button”, but its good enough for me, and she has a lovely smile 🙂
i wanna know whats with the cameraman zooming in on keisha during her bits, its weird and confusing. no need! he didnt do it to the other girls. Amelle seemed nervous, but then i guess thats because it was her first televised live performance, even smiley heidi seemed a bit shaky for the first few seconds.
all in all, its looking promising for sugababes v3.0
So declares the innocent young thing in the advert for everyone’s favourite horses and horse riding weekly publication.
So what’s this got to do with the lovely (if slightly dim) Alison Goldfrapp? Well, la Goldfrapp, in the throes of her retro-chic lifestyle, doesn’t seem to be satisfied with foisting endless monotonous monosynth dirges on us that aren’t even worthy of Gary Numan’s Oxfam parcel. No she’s gone and resurrected that classic, BBC-annoying, theme of the thinly-veiled-drug-reference.
Drug references in music are quite acceptable, don’t get me wrong, I’m not gonna get all high-and-mighty on your asses while I’m sat here in Angry Towers surrounded by my crack-whore assassins, oh no. Drugs are cool, kids, and don’t let The Man tell you otherwise. Go out there and write songs about them, write movies and books about them (but please don’t put Courtney Love in them, talentless cumbucket that she is), but get it out in the open. Don’t think you’re clever just because you wrote a song that, on first glance, appears to be about combining your love of all things equine and dancing in some sweaty club ’til your tits are about to fall off.
I want to ride on a white horse, indeed…not since The Stranglers flaunted Golden Brown and The Shamen treated us to Ebeneezer Goode have the BBC looked so daft by all at once trying to appear prim and proper, banning records that mention evil drug taking and still blindly playing this stuff because it doesn’t have a photo on the cover of the artist with a needle hanging out of their arm.
In the midst of all this, though, props have to be given to Musical Youth for Pass The Dutchie, I mean those kids had real balls appearing on Blue fucking Peter and banging on about how it was all about living in a big family and passing the cooking pot around at meal times. Respect where it’s due brothers, keep smokin’ dat haaaaaash.
Anyways…I’m getting off track, here. Alison Goldfrapp….RAGH! Just fuck off, will you? Look, I’ll show you how rubbish Ride On A White Horse is:
There you go, scientific proof that Goldfrapp are shit. You don’t need Carol Vorderman to interpret that for you…
Right, spleen duly vented, nursey tells me it’s quiet-time now, so crank up the amp, stick on some Tangerine Dream and warm up that lava lamp…
As always, let me know what’s getting your goat, llama, sheep or whatever in the world of pop. Answers on a postcard to : email@example.com